


Comatose

by canyoubelievesomeone



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, attempted suicide, depressed!cas, hurt!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3422759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canyoubelievesomeone/pseuds/canyoubelievesomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is in the psych ward of a hospital, dealing with depression. Dean is a comatose patient who rarely has visitors. Cas wanders the hospital one night and decides to talk to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like my fic should come with a disclaimer. As mentioned in the summary, Castiel deals with depression and there will be several mentions of suicide. If you are even a little triggered by that, it might be best for you to avoid this fic. The tone of it is generally sad and Cas’s thoughts are anything but cheery. Also, I took some creative liberties with how hospitals and psych wards work, but nothing too big. Special thanks to Ryan (jesusgivesmeorgasms on tumblr) for letting me bounce ideas off of him whenever I needed to. Anyway, if you’re okay with the level of angst and triggers in the tags, I hope you enjoy this!

****

_—Castiel—_

 

It started with Gabriel. He was the one who found him in the bathroom, about to shove pills down his throat. He stopped him and then finally convinced their father that Castiel needed help. That this had gone far enough. Almost _too_ far.

Gabriel cared and so did Anna. They had encouraged his seeing a therapist and their worried looks had become less frequent up until that point.

His father, however, was beginning to see him as even _more_ of a disappointment.

Before Castiel left the house with his brother, his father said, “I do hope that you resolve this soon and please don’t fall behind on your studies. I’ll have your assignments dropped off.”

Castiel just nodded and shushed Gabriel from saying whatever angry remark was at the tip of his tongue. Of course, that didn’t stop him from cursing their father’s name as he drove him to the hospital.

It wasn’t long before they said their goodbyes. Gabriel left him with a few words of encouragement, a warm hug, and his suitcase.

Nurse Meg then signed Castiel in and gave him a tour of the place. He learned what he would be doing for the next few weeks and was then escorted to his room.

Being in a new place made him restless. It was late now and he should have been trying to sleep, but he found that a difficult task in itself. He tossed around on the stiff cot, stared at the ceiling, took a deep breath, and then slowly got up.

Castiel decided that maybe growing more familiar with his surroundings would help. Seattle Mercy Hospital was one of the largest hospitals in the state. Certainly walking through it would help tire him out.

He walked around through the infant care part of the hospital first. Seeing the small babies made him smile at least a little, but he didn’t stay very long. The nurses were giving him strange looks when they realized he was just a teenager and, hopefully, wasn’t a father to any of them.

He found himself just walking along the halls for a while, finding the occasional nurse sleeping wherever they could, still wearing their stained scrubs and messy hair.

Eventually, he came across a small section of the hospital tucked away behind green doors.

“Stupid idiot wandering about in cowboy boots just ‘cause he thinks he looks hot,” he heard a woman speak as he opened one of the doors. “There’s no way he’s comfortable in those damn shoes.”

Castiel looked around. The ward, if it could be called that, was very small compared to the others. There were at least seven other rooms with large windows looking into them.

His gaze finally set on the woman behind the desk to his left. She was holding a phone to her ear and her eyebrows raised at the sight of him.

“Lemme call you back, Pamela,” she said into the phone before hanging up. Then she looked up at him. “May I help you?”

“I . . . I was just wandering. My apologies.”

He was just about to turn and leave when she asked, “You’re from the psych ward, huh?”

He glanced over at her and slowly nodded. “How did you know?”

She smiled warmly and gestured to his wrist. “Your bracelet. All the psych ward patients get those blue and green stripes on them. Have trouble sleeping?”

“Yes. I thought walking might help.”

“Has it?”

“No.”

She frowned. “Huh. Well, do you mind my asking what you’re in the psych ward for? You can, of course, tell me just to mind my own business.”

He licked his dry lips. “I-I’m in for depression.”

He figured sparing her the story of his last suicide attempt would be alright.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I have a friend that deals with it too. Can’t imagine how difficult it must be.”

Castiel fidgeted, not sure what to say in response. But it was nice to hear something other than “it will get better” or “look on the bright side.”

“Thank you,” he finally said.

She smiled again and held out her hand over the desk. “The name’s Ellen.”

“Castiel,” he replied, shaking her hand.

“Castiel, huh? Interesting name. I like it.”

“Thank you.” He glanced around once more. “What exactly is this ward anyway?”

“It’s for our patients that might be staying here a little while. Most of them are in comas. Sometimes, I go around and talk to a few. They can still hear us after all, and I’d rather they not get too lonely. Would you like to talk to one of them?”

“I’m not sure I should—”

“Oh, go on. Pick a room out. Might do you some good. I always feel fairly relaxed after talking to them about my troubles.”

Castiel hesitated, but found himself stepping towards the first room he saw. What could be the harm? Besides, maybe the nurse was right. He hadn’t really felt comfortable talking to anyone in a long time. This could be good for him.

He peeked through the window, looking at the young man that was sleeping on the cot. He would look like a Disney prince if it weren’t for his injuries. There was a wound stitched up along the right side of his forehead and a cast on his left leg. He didn’t appear to be much younger than Castiel.

“What happened to him?” he asked, turning back to face Ellen.

“Him? Oh, poor kid has been out for two days. His name is Dean. His father brought him in and said they’d been in a car accident. The dad was pretty worse for wear too, but not as bad as the kid. Got released just yesterday. His son’s healing up well, but there’s not much else we can do. No telling how long he’ll be in it.”

He faltered by the doorway.

“Well, go on in,” Ellen encouraged. “From what his little brother, Sam, tells me, the kid could use a friend too. Maybe he’ll even remember your talks when he wakes up.”

Castiel glanced through the window one last time before reaching for the door and gently opening it.

His eyes scanned the room until he spotted an arm chair in the corner and pulled it closer to Dean’s side.

Then he started to feel more uncomfortable than usual.

This was definitely weird. Beyond knowing his first name, Castiel had no idea who this boy was or if he’d want to talk to him at all if he _weren’t_ in a coma.

Finally, letting go of his trepidation, he finally said, “Hello, Dean. My name is Castiel . . .”

 

_—Dean—_

 

Dean was in the most lucid nightmare of his life. Even though he knew it was all a coma, he just couldn’t seem to escape it.

Every minute he had been unconscious, he had been ganking every monster he had ever heard of, and some he hadn’t.

The only time he could rest would be when he had visitors. Sam or Bobby would speak to him and everything would fade away. Things would become calm if only for a few minutes.

The truth was that a part of him didn’t even want to wake up yet. His father’s wrath would be one of the first things he’d have to face and he wasn’t looking forward to that. Dean knew he’d fucked up by letting that werewolf get one over on them. He didn’t need his dad to tell him that.

So now his subconscious was punishing him by making him kill the werewolf all over again. And some other stuff too just for the hell of it.

He had just watched a vampire’s head roll away when his surroundings became darker.

“Hello, Dean. My name is Castiel.”

He listened closely to the voice.

 _Who the hell is Castiel?_ Dean thought to himself. He had gotten used to Bobby and Sam’s voice, even the voices of a few of the nurses, but Castiel was new.

“I couldn’t sleep. There was too much on my mind, so I walked through the hospital and came across your ward. The nurse at the desk, Ellen, said talking to you might help me.”

 _Why would talking to_ me _help? It’s not like I can talk back._

“I’m not sure why I can’t sleep. Most likely, it’s just being in an unfamiliar area and not being completely sure of what tomorrow will bring. . . . But I _did_ sign into the psych ward willingly and I hope it might actually help. . . . I’m suffering from depression and my older brother, Gabriel, found me trying to overdose. That’s how I ended up here.”

 _Shit. Bummer, dude_. Dean knew this wasn’t the most encouraging thing or even the most socially acceptable, but that was the beauty of being in a coma. His response wasn’t required, so it didn’t really matter how lame he thought it was.

“I’m not even sure of how this all began. Or why. My therapist said there doesn’t _need_ to be a reason and that my depression is just attributed to the chemicals in my brain, but I continue to feel as though there _should_ be a reason. That’s the way my father feels too. He hopes I’ll recover soon so that I can focus on school again.”

_What a dick. You should just focus on dealing with whatever’s going on at your own pace. Fuck him._

“I do _want_ to feel better. Gabriel and my younger sister, Anna, they insist that they want me to stay alive and get whatever help I need.”

Dean felt relieved. It was good to hear this kid had more than just his shithead of a father to talk to him.

“But I’m still not sure I want to stay. I know they care and I do feel guilty that my leaving could cause them sadness, however I . . . I’m not happy here. My father has placed an unsurmountable load of pressure upon my shoulders. He expects greatness from me, but high school was much more challenging than I imagined. I am now in my senior year and I’ve already been accepted to several collages, including Harvard, but I’m still not remotely sure where I would like to go or what career I would like to choose. We were constricted to very few choices just three years ago when we were treated like infants and now we’re being pushed into adulthood while we’re barely old enough to vote. . . . How does that seem sane to everyone?”

_You got me there, buddy. I’ve already dropped out and gotten my G.E.D. I wasn’t about to deal with that bullshit._

“I-I think I should go now. Goodnight, Dean.”

_Whoa. Wait. Don’t go just yet, Castiel—_

He soon heard the footsteps and the door closing.

Dean mentally sighed and watched the vampire nest appear once more.

 _I hope that kid’s gonna be okay_ , he thought a he readied his weapon.

 

— _Castiel_ —

 

“Feelin’ a bit better? Got some things off your chest?” Ellen asked as he walked out of Dean’s room.

Castiel simply gave her a small smile and nodded.

“Well, feel free to visit him again. There’s no tellin’ when he’ll wake up after all.”

He nodded again and murmured a soft goodnight to her before he left.

As he walked back, he felt a little lighter on his feet.

Most of the time, he managed not to think of everything he had told Dean, but putting that much effort into keeping his mind blank had weighed on him.

It was nice to finally speak about it. Just this once.


	2. Day Two

_—Castiel—_

 

Being in the psych ward of a hospital wasn’t exactly what Castiel had in mind.

Above all, they had very strict schedules. Castiel was free to pick and choose which ones he wanted to do. So long as he was doing _something_ , he wouldn’t get into too much trouble.

Castiel chose a writing class. It was supposed to be therapeutic to write their thoughts down, at least that’s what the doctors said.

He used to _really_ love reading and writing. Growing up, he even considered becoming an author, but his father shot that dream down fast.

_“The chances of being a successful writer are slim and, as of now, your writing skills leave much to be desired. I recommend you focus on your schoolwork. Your stories are nothing but a pastime.”_

Nurse Hannah, one of the instructors, had told them all to write out whatever was on their mind.

Instead, Castiel decided to write a story about an angel fighting to stop the apocalypse with the help of two human brothers. He wasn’t sure if it was a good story or not, but he knew right away that the angel was meant to die at the end. Possibly the younger brother too.

But the older brother, the one with freckles and a give-‘em-hell attitude, he would survive.

One of them had to.

 

Once night came, the small traces of content he had felt during the day slowly faded away. He really shouldn’t have expected anything less. The darkest thoughts always seemed to creep in when he was alone and had nothing else to do or think about.

He found himself walking again and, without even thinking about it, he wandered into the ward where Dean was still comatose.

Castiel glanced back at the nurse.

It certainly wasn’t Ellen. He had a mullet for starters.

“Hey, kid, what’s your name?”

“Castiel,” he warily answered.

“I’m Ash. Ellen let me know it’s cool for you to go in and visit whoever you wanna,” he said.

Before Castiel could say anything else, the nurse returned his attention to the Nintendo DS in his hands. He only recognized the sounds of Mario Kart because of how often Gabriel played it with Anna.

The door barely squeaked when he opened it and watched Dean sleeping.

 

— _Dean_ —

 

A ghost was just about to throw him against a wall when he heard the guy’s voice.

“Hello, Dean.”

Instantly, his subconscious shut everything down and he was just in his body, listening.

_Castiel? Dude, you came back! That’s awesome!_

He knew he probably shouldn’t be getting too attached to someone who could easily get tired of talking to him and leave, but still. He was slightly concerned about the guy. Besides, he seemed nice. He didn’t want anything to happen to him and he hoped his day hadn’t gone too bad.

He heard the sound of an arm chair moving somewhere and soon felt Castiel’s presence close by.

“Today wasn’t too terrible, I think. We had different activities to choose from and I chose to write. I’m writing a story and I hope you don’t mind, but I seem to keep envisioning an older version of you when I work on a particular character.”

_Dude, I don’t mind. Just make him awesome._

“My father thinks reading and writing fiction is a waste of time, so I’ve refrained from doing it over the last few years, but I . . . I personally enjoy it. It provides an escape from everything.”

Castiel was suddenly silent.

Dean grew nervous until he heard his deep breaths and the whimpers at the back of his throat.

_Shit. He’s crying._

_Talk to me, Cas. Please._

There were more soft noises before he finally said, “I-I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do, Dean.”

The young hunter had never felt more useless. Sure, he didn’t really know him, but that didn’t mean he wanted Castiel to suffer. As far as he knew, the guy didn’t do anything to deserve that.

_Why are you overwhelmed? What’s going on?_

“My father sent my schoolwork up with one of the nurses this afternoon. I know he would have possibly done more harm than good if he visited, but I would have enjoyed it if he had at least tried. He expects so much from me. Out of the three of us, I was always the one who obeyed, but I’m no longer sure that it’s the right thing to do. Gabriel and Anna say that I should do what _I_ want to do with my life, but I’m not sure what that is. I’m eighteen years old and I have many choices to make, but just the thought of it . . . of disobeying my father and doing what could possibly lead to my happiness and recovery . . . it’s overwhelming.”

Dean only remained silent. He empathized, that was for sure. Though Sam had always been a bit more rebellious, Dean still had his fair share of doubts. He often wondered what a normal life would have been like. Hell, he secretly _craved_ a life without all the responsibilities on his shoulders.

But Cas wasn’t like Dean, that much was sure. He actually had a real _chance_ at happiness, at a normal life without hunting and hotel rooms and credit card scams.

_Dude, do whatever you gotta do. You don’t have to get it all figured out by eighteen. A lot of people don’t even have it figured out when they’re middle-aged. It’s okay to not be sure about where your life is going sometimes._

He wanted to wake up now more than ever. He needed to tell Cas all that in person and reassure him that it would all be alright. Dean was supposed to be a hero, the one that always helps and saves people. And right now, this guy needed him.

_Let me out. Let me out, goddammit!_

He was fighting against his subconscious, fighting for the strength to lift his eyes open or twitch his fingers. _Anything_ that might reassure Cas that he’s not alone. He has someone who’s listening and who wants to help.

He heard a quiet sniffle and a chair being put back in its place.

“Goodnight, Dean.”


	3. Day Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, guys. Whatever happens next is up to your imagination. Thank you for any kudos you might leave.

_—Castiel—_

 

When he was just six years old, a few months before his mother died in a car accident, Castiel’s parents hosted a party. He wasn’t sure what it was for, or if it was _for_ anything, but he remembered how much his parents had stressed the importance of it.

There was only the finest food and the most elegant decorations. People swarmed into the venue wearing their most expensive outfits and their nicest jewelry.

His father said only the most important people would be attending.

Anna, Castiel, and Gabriel were only allowed to be there for a total of five minutes, just long enough for their parents to introduce them to the guests. Then they were promptly escorted away by their nanny. Mr. and Mrs. Novak wanted their children to be civilized young adults that would look good in pictures. They were accessories and nothing more than that.

Either way, that was one of the earliest memories Castiel ever had of feeling like he didn’t belong. Everyone in the world was important enough to attend the parties, but he wasn’t. He simply didn’t belong with everyone else.

That feeling was particularly strong today. He was forced to go to group therapy and his writing class, but all he wanted to do was stay in his cot and sleep. His therapist always told him how important it was for Castiel to be active and participate, but that was a difficult thing to do when the world never seemed quite right to him. He never seemed to find a niche to fill and he always felt as though he were in the way of things.

His mind simply wasn’t in a good place and he wished more than anything that Gabriel had not intervened when he did.

Right now, his siblings hoped being at the hospital would help Castiel and he had no right to give them false hope. He had no right to stay and only increase that hope with every day he continued to breathe. It would only make them miss him more.

Castiel spent the day much like he spent a good majority of his life. He faked it. He struggled every second of the way, but he forced the smiles and went through the motions. It was challenging, pretending not to feel something he did, but he tried.

He was soon emotionally exhausted and didn’t want to wait any longer to see Dean.

It was late afternoon by the time he was finally free. He walked through the hallways until he reached the ward and paused abruptly at Dean’s door.

It was cracked open and he could see a boy sitting in the armchair that was usually reserved for Castiel. Beside the boy with the floppy hair, there was an older man with a ball cap on his head.

 _He has a family. People that care about him too_ , Castiel thought.

“I got my report card today. All A’s! Bobby said he’s going to take me out for ice cream later to celebrate.”

“That I did,” the old man said. “We should actually get going now, Sam. You still have homework to do.”

The boy looked crestfallen, but he nodded and rose from his chair, reaching out to touch Dean’s arm. “I’ll see you, Dean. Wake up soon. Okay?”

Castiel turned and left before the two could make it to the door.

_It was stupid of me to grow attached. He has a life of his own waiting for him when he wakes up. And I’m nothing but the strange boy who spoke to him while he slept._

When he finally reached his bedroom, Castiel curled up tightly and let the darkness take him over.

 

_—Dean—_

 

Hearing from Sam had been good, but it felt like he spent an eternity waiting for Castiel.

 _What if he hasn’t actually shown up in days? How long have I even been here?_ Dean thought to himself as he walked through a forest on the hunt for a ruguru. It was his second in a row. His subconscious must be getting lazy.

“Hello, Dean.”

He had never been so relieved to hear a guy’s voice.

_Cas, thank God you’re still around._

Castiel was eerily silent.

_Cas? You still there?_

Dean wasn’t on a hunt anymore and everything was still dark, so Cas couldn’t have left the room. Why the hell wasn’t he talking?

“Nothing is helping. I’ve been taking medicine and doing everything I’m supposed to, but . . . I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’ve made my decision. I’m going to jump from the roof tonight. I-I think it would be nice. To experience the closest thing to flying I will ever have.”

_Cas! Dammit, no! Don’t—_

He felt a hand gently cover his upper arm.

“Goodbye, Dean. It was nice talking to you.”

_NO!_

Dean suddenly found himself in hell. Fire licked at his skin and there were hands clawing at him, dragging him down. There was a light above him.

He reached for it with all his strength and screamed in agony.

 

_—Castiel—_

 

Castiel was turning to leave, his fingers grazing away Dean’s arm when he suddenly felt his hand grasped tightly.

His heart raced in alarm as he turned and looked down.

Wide, green eyes stared into his unwaveringly.

“Cas,” he said. “Please. Stay.”


End file.
